08:51 pm - 2012: The End is Nigh

2012

The Church near my house puts up a new marquee every week. Sometimes they're funny.

Like this one, which I call "a cute observation":

This week's marquee is:

Now hopefully they are not questioning the scientific veracity of the 2012 movie. I mean, a planetary alignment causes a massive solar flare which increases the quantity and power of the neutrinos that collide with the molecules of the Earth's molten core, raising its temperature, which causes instability in the Earth's mantle, resulting in the tectonic plates rising and sinking by thousands of feet. Who could possibly doubt that?

Clearly, they are examining the issue from a more existential point-of-view. They're asking: What if the world was to suddenly end on December 21st, 2012?

If you believe 2012 and the majority of other people don't, then you'll probably be continuously trying to convince people that you are right, ostracizing yourself from your friends and co-workers, possibly end up in a mental hospital. If you keep quiet about it, you'll be depressed and probably become a recluse.

On the other hand, if the majority of other people believe 2012 as well, then there will be complete anarchy. When there is no faith in the future, economies collapse, laws are ignored. And let me tell you, I am very dependent on an orderly society. If we all revert to the law of the jungle, I'm the first to die. Of course, if you don't believe in 2012 but the majority of others do, then the outcome is pretty much the same.

So… what if 2012 is right?

I'd rather not know. I'd rather nobody knows. Ignorance is bliss.

Which is probably why this movie is filled with completely unbelievable action sequences and disaster special effects that defies all the laws of physics. They want to make sure nobody ever takes the 2012 theories seriously.

OMG !… that means those theories are true!!!

Excuse me, I have to go buy canned food, guns and ammunitions.

The Box

This movie is full of details. Very of which are in any way relevant to the story. And the details that are relevant are not adequately explained. Skip that one.

The Men Who Stare at Goats

George Clooney is a Jedi Warrior, and Ewan McGregor is not. Very funny.

I especially loved the opening title card that said something like: "More of this story is true than you might think".

Pirate Radio

There is a major anachronism error in this movie. An 18-year-old young man spends a few months on a boat operated by rock-and-roll DJs in the 60s and misses out on having sex with a girl because he can't find a condom. Did they even have condom in the 60s? I'm sure they did, but did anyone use them? This is the decade of Woodstock, after all.

02:49 pm - For no particular reason...

A gallery of various control rooms...

http://www.oobject.com/category/control-rooms-of-all-types/

Esthetically speaking, I like the Fermilab Tevatron control room (number 9 on the list). It has just the right vintage look.

02:47 am - New York, Astro Boy, Freaks and Amelia

New York, I Love You

This movie is really about New Yorkers, not really about the city. It's an attempt at re-creating the magic of "Paris, Je t'aime" in an American city. I can't say it's a rousing success, but it's not a complete failure either. The upside of those vignettes-style movies is that if you don't like a character or storyline, you can just wait it out and it will change in a New York minute.

I'm going to New York next weekend. I love New York. But I hadn't realized until now how long it's been since I've been there. By my calculations, it's been almost 10 years. I believe I was last there in the summer of 2000. Before 9/11. I wonder how much different it will feel.

I hope it hasn't lost it's pedestrian friendliness (or hostility, depending on your point-of-view). I remember one piece of advice a New Yorker friend gave me when I first visited. It was about the pedestrian crossing signs. He said that when the sign says "WALK" it means "Go ahead, cross the street". When it says "DON'T WALK" it means "Be careful, while crossing the street".

During my 2 days there, I will see 4 Broadway shows (including off-Broadway):

The Toxic Avenger

Rock of Ages

Jersey Boys

Avenue Q

I decided to skip on Wicked, because I fully expect a movie version to come out one day. Yes, yes, I know "it's not the same as seeing it live". That's true. It'll be much better as a movie :-)

Cirque du Freak

Roger Ebert didn't like this movie. But that's only because he's not "One of us! One of us! We accept [it], one of us!". Did I lose you? Too obscure? Look it up.

Anyway, I thought it was pretty good. Although it felt like there was a lot of untapped potential behind those characters. I think it's one of those movies that actually has a good chance of spawning a superior sequel.

Astro Boy

I think Astro Boy looks a lot like my friend Max.

The movie turned out to be much more of a kids movie than I expected. The Aesop is strong in this one. Good and Evil are literally depicted as two little balls of "blue energy" and "red energy". Guess which one is evil. TV Tropes would call this Applied Phlebotinum.

Amelia

While I don't doubt that this movie is far more historically accurate, I still think Amy Adams portrayal of Amelia Earhart in Night at the Museum 2 was much more entertaining.

Not to say that Hillary Swank did a bad job, she was excellent as usual. The makeup alone deserves an Oscar. But I think that Ameila Earhart might be one of those personalities that feels more real when played as a caricature than as the real thing.

12:47 am - Law Abiding Citizen

Ah… the revenge flick!

There are always a couple of them every year. They are always a crowd pleaser, even when they suck. I mean, "The Punisher" was successful enough to have a sequel. And you don't need a big name actor to star in a revenge flick, you don't even need anyone with any acting skills really. John Cena made two of them ("12 rounds" and "The Marine"); the entirety of his filmography.

Sometimes, the revenge plot is a timeless classic, like The Count of Monte Cristo or Hamlet.

Sometimes, it's a swords-and-sandals action movie like Gladiator or Troy.

Sometimes, it's empowering to women, like Jennifer Lopez in Enough, Julia Roberts in Cape Fear or Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

But by far, the King of revenge flicks is Mel Gibson. Look at his lifetime contribution:

Mad Max (seriously, you don't kill a man's dog)

Lethal Weapon 2

Hamlet

Braveheart

Ransom

Payback

The Patriot

and finally his pièce de résistance: Paparazzi (well… a piece of something, anyway). To date, this is the best movie ever directed by a hair dresser.

This new one stars Gerard Butler, and it is actually very good.

Between this movie, Braveheart and Rob Roy, I hope everyone now realizes that you really shouldn't piss off a Scotsman.

10:04 pm - The Owner's Motto

There's a saying I heard recently which I really liked, it goes:

" If you don't open it, you don't own it! "

Which is part of the Maker's Bill of Rights.

In that spirit, here's a cool website that shows you how to open your gadgets.

And then there's the Chumby, a device expressly invented to be hacked.

After you've destroyed a few of your gadgets, you'll have earned yourself this T-shirt.

12:47 am - Crazy Australians on Canadian trains

I've just made my reservations for my train trip through Canada. Something that I do most years.

Every time I make that trip, I meet interesting people. For some reason, those people tend to be Australian, not sure why.

The first time, it was a club of Australian train enthusiasts; about 20 of them. They had made matching T-shirts for the trip. I wish I had taken a picture of it, alas. I will attempt to make it justice with words.

It was a drawing of a large polar bear standing up, wearing a Mountie hat and a large friendly smile. It was waving a Canadian flag in its right paw, and had its left arm around the shoulder of a smaller kangaroo who was looking back at the bear with a fearful grimace, and had a sagging Australian flag in its left paw. It was hilarious.

I don’t know who I'll meet this year, but I very much doubt he'll be stranger than this next Australian.

Admittedly, I only have this man's word about his story, so he could simply have made the whole thing up, but I don't care, it's fascinating nonetheless.

First off, this guy was a real life, honest to God, Crocodile Dundee. He lived alone, in the wilderness of Australia. He was a semi-retired bush pilot. He made a small living by taking tourists on camping trips in the wilderness to see crocodiles and a variety of other animals that exist merely to kill us. He would fly back to the nearest town every couple of months for supplies, but otherwise, he was a hermit. He wasn't entirely without modern comfort, he had a generator to produce a little bit of electricity (important detail; you'll know why in a minute).

Now, when I first met him, on the train, he was talking to the car attendant about finding a station near Toronto to get off at. He had a ticket for all the way to Toronto, but he didn't want to go there anymore because he felt very uncomfortable in places with many people around. He had just left Vancouver and that was already too many people for his taste. He couldn't wait to get out of there. The train itself was a little cramped, but he could manage that. But he had just heard that Toronto was a much bigger city and he was afraid to go there.

Once the attendant left, I just had to talk to this guy. I asked him why he would come to Canada, given his fear of crowded places. Granted, Canada is not known for population density, but still, he must be here for a reason. I don’t care how many times you try to guess, there is no way you'll get even close to his answer.

He said, and I quote, just imagine the thick Awwstrayleean accent:

 "I'm on a pilgrimage to the birthplace of Shania Twain".

Ohhhh… kayyyyy…

Seeing the disbelief that must have been obvious on my face, he continued by explaining his background story as I have described above. Then added that on one of those resupply trips into town, he went to the travel agency that made all the arrangements for his tourist clients and saw the receptionist watching a DVD on her computer. It was a Shania Twain concert. He fell in love, right there. He convinced the receptionist to sell him the DVD. He went to the small electronic store nearby and bought a portable DVD player (he obviously didn't have a TV, much less a DVD player) and brought it home. He watched that DVD over and over again. On his next trips to town, he bought every DVD, CD and book featuring Shania Twain. From a book, he learned that Shania Twain was born in Timmins, Ontario. So he decided he just had to go there. Conquering his fear of oceans, cities, trains and whatnot.

I have never met a braver soul. Or crazier...
 

12:24 am - My own Video Music Awards

Since everyone's talking about the VMAs, I decided to hand out my own awards.

Here's a list of my top 10 favourite videos of the last few years.

Note that they made the list because of the video, not because of the song. Although they are all very good songs, there are a lot of songs that are better. But most of them have boring and boilerplate videos. I mean, how many "pool party" or "band on stage" videos get made every year?

Not that a boilerplate video is necessarily boring. As long as Beyoncé and Shakira want to strut their stuff on camera, I'll watch.

But to make it on my list, the video has to have a special something. Maybe a cool visual effect, maybe an interesting story, maybe an engaging choreography, something.

So here's the list, in no particular order:
 

03:46 pm - Jennifer's Body

What would you expect from the writer of Juno and the director of Aeon Flux?
It could easily go either way.

What we do get is a fairly stereotypical horror movie.

The most obvious stereotype is that glasses == nerd.
I object to that. I don't wear glasses, and I am most definitely a nerd!

If you like mega-foxy Megan Fox, go see it.

12:47 am - Whiteout

If you are a researcher working in Antarctica, I'm sorry to say you've been Dan Browned.
 

I've never been to Antarctica, but I have seen a few documentaries about it and its strange inhabitants, the field researcher. And what I've seen in those documentaries bears little resemblance to the accommodations in this movie. Those guys (and gals) live in absolute luxury. The set looks as much like a research outpost as the set of 24 looks like a government branch office.

12:43 am - 9

Ahhh... retro-future. A time when machines were -- I mean, will be -- filled with cogged wheels, springs, dial gauges, levers, knobs, etc...and  there are Zeppelins too.

It's a very nostalgic future. It's the future we wish we could go back to. Except this one is also a post-apocalyptic future brought on by successful Nazis.

Our heroes are mechanical burlap sack puppets. They represent the typical adventure-story characters. Let's walk down the list... they are already numbered, for our convenience...

1 = Wasteland Elder

2 = Mr Fixit

3 & 4 = Single Minded Twins

5 = The Drag Along

6 = Mad Oracle

7 = Action Girl

8 = Gentle Giant

9 = The Hero

For its part, the story centers around a Chekhov's Gun, an item that our hero does not recognize the value of until it's too late. So begins the quest to recover the item by leading the ragtag team toward the Multi Armed And Dangerous big bad without really having any plan at all, yet still being absolutely convinced he's doing the right thing. But in the end, everything works out. And all that was needed to make the world a happy place was 5/9th of a man's soul.

Confused? You have to see the movie, then it will still make no sense at all. But at least the CGI is top-notch.

10:15 pm - Roomba "zombie dance" repair

Is your Roomba doing the backward zombie dance?

No, not the swirly "spot" dance or the happy "dirt" dance, I'm talking about the left/right movements while going mostly backwards. Well, that's probably because dirt has accumulated on the optical sensors inside the wheel hub cap.

If you have a Roomba Discovery SE, use this guy's steps.

But if, like me, you have a Roomba Scheduler, you should still read his steps. Then look at your Roomba and you'll notice that it doesn't have a removable fender like his. The whole bottom is one big piece of molded plastic. Luckily, you don't really need to fully remove the hub cap; you just need to open it slightly so you can spray the inside with your dust remover.

But even to open the hub cap slightly, you'll need to get access to that fourth screw (if you haven't read the other guy's steps, you're probably lost by now, aren't you?). Instead of opening the whole case, I just used my dremel to drill a hole through the plastic to get to the screw. Voilà.
 

12:54 am - Netflix feature I didn't know about

I just found out that Netflix allows me to publish my queue as an RSS feed.

Here it is...
http://rss.netflix.com/QueueRSS?id=P7857855171021412051443181239088481

How did those Hillary Duff movies get on there? It... ermm... must be some kind of bug on the Neflix server. Yeah. that must be it... bugs.

10:21 pm - Gamer

Gamer

Life is unpredictable. Save often.

According to the Fackler scale of FPS realism, this movie's games would be at the absolute "realistic" end of the scale. Gamers take control of every action of a real-life person. The first game is like Sims, the second one is a FPS. BTW, if you don't know what FPS means, this movie isn't for you.

This movie presents us with an age-old dilemma; is it ok to abuse violent inmates for scientific/entertainment purposes? That is a very valid question which would be sure to foment spirited discussions after the movie.

But, like pretty much all movies do, they pull a debate and switch on us. You see, our hero, the violent inmate, turns out to be a wrongly accused soldier (oh yeah, didn't see that one coming, at all). Which means it is clearly wrong to implant him with nanites and to repeatedly put him in almost certain-death situations purely for entertainment purposes. The implication being that if he was actually guilty of something, like tax evasion, it would be perfectly acceptable to trample over his civil rights and strip him of all human dignity.

 
P.S. I love it when bad guys suddenly break into a song-and-dance routine while explaining their evil plan.

All About Steve

Sandra Bullock plays Mary Horowitz, a neurotic, excessively talkative female version of Ken Jennings. She makes crossword puzzles for a local newspaper. She makes them by hand! As in, draws them on a piece of paper! Has she not heard of the many crossword-making programs out there? Besides, how can one make a living making one crossword per week?

Extract

A man pays a giggolo to have an affair with his wife so that he won't feel guilty about wanting to have an affair with a new hot co-worker. Surprisingly, things don't go according to plan. Hilarity ensues.

11:46 pm - I think I'm in love...

I think I'm in love with creepy pré girl...

07:56 pm - Ponyo

If I was a 6 year-old, I'm sure I could get magically transported to a world where gold fish turn into little girls, but I'm not.
I'm a 37-year-old computer geek, so I can only travel to magical worlds that include robots.

Japanese animation without giant robots just feels wrong.

12:24 am - The Time Traveler's Wife

This is clearly a chick flick, no doubt about that, but it also features time travel, which means it encroaches onto geeky nerd territory. I'm sure this movie resulted in post-movie discussions where women asked their geeky boyfriends: "Explain to me again why going back in time to meet yourself would create a pair of ducks? I don't get it".

P.S. Eric Bana... please put some clothes on... seriously. You're making the rest of us look bad.
 

11:42 pm - District 9

Aliens visit Earth and land in South Africa?!? Are they not aware of the inter-galactic treaty that mandates that all alien landings occur in the United States? Those aliens are anti-American, they must die!

So the South Africans did what they do best, they kept the aliens "apart" from the humans, in a place called district 9. Makes me wonder what they're holding in districts 1 through 8.

Ultimately, this movie is about racial understanding. Now I'm about as liberal as it gets, but if a million aliens landed in my neighborhood and started pillaging, destroying and murdering everything and everyone in sight, I would become a card-carrying member of the NRA pretty darn quickly. Of course, I should probably carry a gun as well.
 

10:44 pm - G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

This is the best movie based on a toy company's TV show I've ever seen. The only other ones being the Transformers movies, so the competition wasn't that fierce.

If I invented an insanely powerful weapon that can destroy an entire city, I wouldn't try to sell it to a bunch countries. Why? Because they might use it to destroy the city I happen to live in. If I wanted money, I wouldn't say: "give me money and I'll let you use this weapon", I would say: "give me money or *I* will use this weapon".

In this case, "the weapon" is nanobots. Some evil genius built 4 warheads filled with those super nanobots that will eat anything in their path until they are told to stop. But not to worry, the G.I.Joes are on the case. But they must hurry, Cobra has stolen the warheads and need merely an hour or so to "weaponize" the "warheads". They're already warheads! How much more weaponizing could they possibly need?

Of course, this is just an excuse for the All-American-Heroes (who are seriously short on actual Americans btw) to bounce around Paris, destroying cars, buildings, trains, etc... in an attempt to save the Eiffel tower. They fail. They save Paris, but the Eiffel tower is destroyed. Oh well, c'est la vie!

Many of the iconic Joes are represented in this movie, Duke, Ripcord, Breaker, Road-block, Scarlet, and of course, everyone's favourite, Snake Eyes. But it is the MIA Joe's that are most noticeable. First, no Lady Jaye? That is quite a disappointment. Also, even though the Joes ultimately travel to the Arctic circle to defeat Cobra in his underwater lair, there is no sign of Iceberg, Snowjob, Blizzard, Wet Suit or Deep Six. What's up with that? You'd think they would be the experts for this kind of job. And as we all know, G.I. Joes are all about specialization. And finally, no Flint?!? He's my favourite Joe!

Oh well, I'm sure they'll be in the sequel.

P.S. They're not dolls! They're action figures! Except Lady Jaye, she's a doll :-)

06:50 pm - The Ugly Truth

This movie is mostly low-brow humour. The kind of humour designed to appeal to the unsophisticated masses.

In other words: I liked it!

06:48 pm - Orphan

This movie has only one strength, but it's a strong one. The little girl is creepy, not too much so, just the right amount of creepy. The rest of the movie is fairly boilerplate.